I can’t even post things on my blog now without them judging me. Writing has been my only outlet, and i can’t do that anymore. 

I have plans now. A checklist. 

I’ve curled my hair, got a job, fixed my car, and hopefully by March there won’t be any fats hanging around my bones. Right now, i’m just searching for a new house to move out. Then only i can change my number.

I’ve been running away again. Not answering phone calls, not replying texts. I can’t deal with anyone right now.

I’ve started doing it again, i know i shouldn’t. It’s wrong. But that’s the only way i can cope with this, i’m turning 18 soon and i haven’t stopped. It’s so depressing. Every time i look at the tracks i carved i just start to feel so depressed. Like all my efforts of starting new were worthless. Money wasted on my hair and car, all gone. I’m not as fine as i seem. I’m so tired. So exhausted.

Every year i promised myself i won’t do it again, that’s my only resolution every year. I can’t seem to stop. I don’t know if i should. 

Maybe if i do it right this time, i would finally shut down.